Date: 2009-11-08 04:01 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public Mood: loved

Its late. The world is sleep or at least, I should say, mine is. The love of my life is resting peacefully in the room down the hall. Its my job, was my job, to be cynical about love. It was left to me to write about 101 ways to get in and get out, have sex like a man and avoid things like romance and true love. I've been finding it hard to do that since I completely gave up my life, after having a break down which lead to me write vulgar things to piss off my boss at Vogue, and decided to look for the one man who made it all make sense. You know the one, if you've ever been in love. The one that makes your heart race by just walking in the room, sends a shiver down your spine when his finger tips graze along your skin and the one-the one that makes everything else in the world disappear just by wrapping you in his arms and whispering the three words. I-LOVE-YOU.

I had never been in love before him, haven't been in love since and I only want to be in love with him until the day I die. There was a time when I doubted things and I was a down right fool for that. My life was already written in the stars the first time that his lips pressed against mine. It was the most perfect kiss, my heart still races when I think about it. Surely, if I could, I would have locked that moment in a box and tucked it away for a day when I needed to feel that special again. My mum told me I was too young and that Keith would just one of those summer flings you read about in romance novels or end of the summer articles in a woman's magazine but I knew he was special. I had only known him for a day and I knew that it was fate that we had stumbled upon each other.

Life has many twist and turns that we can't control. Whats that saying....Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans? Or something of that sort but its most true than you might think. Summers end, winter breaks become shorter and before you know it, you're left sitting in a lonely apartment wondering why, yet again, your boyfriends Visa was turned down. Sipping a glass of wine and wishing he was there but wondering if the flame had burned too hot for too long. The fears of never being together settle in so you go about your life and let him do the same. I'm not going to sit here and go on and on about how awful I had it before and how getting out was the defining moment in my life but to be honest, it kind of was.

There came a time in my life where I stood in the mirror looking at girl who had been molded into this perfect image of what one man thought. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know why I did the things I did and I don't know how I allowed myself to turn into this robot. I stood there in my $500 dollar pair of heels, in a dress that was $2000 dollars and holding a purse that cost more then I want to admit. I went through a complete transformation on the outside to as beautiful as I could try and make up for the ugly that lived inside. There wasn't a single day that didn't go buy where I didn't think about him or what he was doing? Was he in love with someone else? Did he get married? Was he happy? I just continued to let myself be wrapped up in this awful situation where I had very few friends, I had no choice but to be a ruthless bitch that did anything to get her way and write the worse kind of smut and perverse things to sell to lonely women and young females obsessed with sex.

I made a decision to leave and move on, it brought me here and to the one that I love. I look at this amazing man and to me, its as if no time as passed. I don't feel like I exist until he walks into a room and lets everyone know that I'm with him. I'm sure, without a doubt, it was more than overwhelming to him. I showed up with no warning and took over everything. I was probably close to being unbearable but I came down determined to get him back and when he wasn't ready I tried to give him space. The selfish in me didn't think that he might need to just get some baring and wrap his mind around all of the things going on. Negative thoughts flood my mind on a daily basis and I feel as if any second it can and will be ripped from my grips. For whatever reason, God... the powers that be, whomever decided to let me have another chance with this man who's perfect for me.

If all he wanted to do for the rest of our lives was just hold my hand, I'd die a happy woman. I know that's incredibly sappy and this might be cheesy but I never get to write things like this. I never get to express how amazing love feels, mostly because when I started I didn't remember it but now here I am, in a shirt that is the perfect combination of his skin, cologne and his day. There aren't enough words or maybe they aren't even invented yet, for how I feel about him but this is just a tip of the the iceberg for what my heart is full of.

I just needed to get these thoughts from my head, I can't imagine going back to the life I had before. Letting go of the things that defined me before was easier than I imagined. The magazines, my other personality that was the expert on all things sex. Forgiving the man who stole and destroyed the little piece of my broken heart that I had left when things ended with Keith the first time around and making amends with a father that I never see anymore. Getting rid of all those demons makes it easy to put together the pieces of my heat that were missing for so long. Now its even later and I really should go to bed, curl up in that pefect nook between his arm and chest that feels as if it was made just for me.

Waking up tomorrow brings a new day and the first day of a life that I can't wait to live.

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Date: 2009-10-02 18:04 Subject: (no subject) Security: Public

•BASICS•

• NAME: Janessa Ann Blake
• Age: 25
• Family: [Divorced] Mother, Alana Blake-Jackobs; Father, Brenden Blake; Step-Father Richard Jackobs; Only child
• Career: Freelance writer/Author
• Hometown: Grew up in Bangor Maine but was born in London England.
• Relationship status: Single
• Physical Features:
Hair: Light brown
Eyes: Dark Brown
Height: 5 feet 2inches
Body type: fit/Petite
• Distinguishing features: Hint of a British Accent when she speaks, contacts/glasses, dimples, bump on the bridge of her nose, always polished nails.



• Bio:

Janessa Ann Blake was born on March 25th, 1983 to Brenden and Alana Blake. Born in London, Janessa was an Army Brat. Her father originally from Maine and her mother a small town outside of London. While her father was shipped from base to base in Europe, she and her mother stayed with her grandparents until she was 8. Her father was stationed back in the states and assigned to recruiting for the US Army. Her mother was very reluctant to move stateside, afraid of the difference in the style of up bringing she opted to raise her daughter in.

Once in the states, Janessa was immediately swamped in family. Her father came from a rather large family. There were plenty of aunts, uncles and cousins but she was an only child. She grew a tight bond with her grandparents who she tended to spend more time with as her parents marriage began to fall apart. Her grandmother was a talented florist and taught her granddaughter the ways around the shop and a passion grew. By the time she was 15, she was working in the shop part-time between school and family.

At the age of 16, her parents marriage hit a breaking point when her mother left to visit family in England and failed to return. It was a defining moment in Jan's life. Things changed and it went from simple and carefree to taking care of her strict military father. He was extremely controlling. She was no long allowed to work in the shop, her father had to know where she was at all times. Jan had strict curfews and was not allowed to date. She was too afraid to rebel so she did as she was told and after graduation, Jan went to college.

Attending Boston University, it was a sharp contrast from being under the thumb of her father and constantly being surrounded by her large family. Her major was journalism and Abnormal Psychology. However, not having that structure around her, Janessa didn't stay on her studies and was put on academic probation her Freshman year. Drinking, partying, and dating took control until her mother came back into her life.

Moving to Boston, her mother and her new husband were like a breath of fresh air. She'd always been in contact with her mother. When she first left, Janessa didn't understand but as she grew older, under her fathers control, it was clear she did what she had to by getting out when she could. She dreaded weekends when her father would come into town, he would be over critical of her friends, her apartment, her boyfriend, her hair. His idea of spending time together was doing drills and running through the park. While when she'd go to her mother and step fathers, it would be shopping, dinner and lots of laughs. They encouraged, unlike her father, her choice in major.

When she graduated college, her father had gradually slipped out of her life. Her mother and step father helped her get her get settled in, buying her an apartment and helping her get a colum in a local newpaper there, in Boston. Her whole life, she really hadn't been big into dating but when she was in college it took a turning point. She became a serial dater. Never one to settle down, it was always better in her opinion to be with someone that loved you more than you loved them. She would rather be worshiped then fall in herself. Until she met a man who changed her life. His name was Keith, he brought the best out of her. The two had met when she was in college while visiting her grandparents. After meeting randomly just walking, they were almost connected at the hip for the rest of her stay there. The two wrote constantly and would go see each other as often as they could. It was really honest to God love for Janessa but as time passed and she graduated college, things started to fall apart. They went their seperate ways but once in awhile still kept in touch. He was truely the owner of her heart but she would never let anyone know that.

After their break up, she closed up but met a man who fed off her negative energy and once again she changed. The many heartbreaks and sad sap stories that she had endured listening to from her friends, was just not what she wanted to get into. Then again, there is always "That one" the man that you can't ever shake. Even after break up after break up, Nessa would always go back to that poison.

Janessa didn't surround herself with just anyone. People who knew her and got past that shell knew that she was a devoted friend but over all she put up a iron curtain to her emotions. Sex on the brain, is how she was described by everyone. It was her job, she worked for Cosmopolitan magazine and freelanced for several different magazines. Currently, there was an option for her to do a book but she had yet to really decide if she wanted to do a compilation of columns or the do's and don'ts that she had learned from her flings and friends relationships. Love was just not a subject that she wanted to to touch.

With that said, she needed to take a good long break from life and re-examine it. Now here she is, really stepping back. After visiting her family in England over the summer, Janessa went looking for her one true love but found out he had gone to the states. As twisted tangled as things got, she was deseperate to find him. with the help of his parents she found out where he was. Nixing the idea of closing her eyes and pointing to some random place to start her life over she headed to to find him, causing her to end up here. Of course telling everyone she was there finishing her book and ready to start over...


Random facts about Nessa:

* She thinks she's better than anyone when she first meets them.
* She may have spent a majority of her life in the states but she has a British accent and doesn't think of herself as American.
* She has a handful of friends that know the real her and that she trusts.
* She isn't the type to sit and talk about her emotions. She'll listen to anyone but they aren't exempt from becoming material in her columns. Names changed of course, if the person wasn't a complete asshole.
* Just because she is a "sex-pert" doesn't mean she's a slut or that she will give it up to just any man that passes her by.
* She doesn't get along with her step siblings, she will be the first to tell you that they are arrogant and spoiled.
* Deep inside she knows there is "THE ONE" but thats for her to know and no one to ever find out.
* She's very judgemental about herself. You'll never see her without her hair or make up done. Now that she has money, she isn't thrifty about anything. Having gone without, growing up now a days its all about labels.
*Once you get past her shell, she is really sweet and friendly but it takes a little bit to get her to open up.

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